Things you shouldn't say to someone over fifty - continued...

6. "Your hair is thinning!"

Let's see....my hair is thinning. Yep, it's thinning. I've got what Proverbs (yes, the biblical Proverbs) calls a "Crown of Glory" earned over the years of toil and heavy yokes. It's obtained from the daily funding of programs self-designed to feed the hungry, those in need of education (even to the point where they are convinced they are smarter than you), clothing the naked in the latest fashions, a car under the butts of the same, keeping the rain off those who'd otherwise get wet (as long as it has air-conditioning, heat, a personal shower and jetted tub with unlimited hot water, a private balcony with a lovely view of the forest, and the ability to come and go as they please without the added guilt of ever doing anything wrong as far as chores go (english for "they don't do anything"), and a myriad of other issues that have forced the gray hair out of their hiding places long before their appointed time. Gray hair? Damn right I've got gray hair, what about it?

 It's better to go gray, than go away.


7. "Is that your grandson/granddaughter?"

Why, yes, this is my grandson (I don't have a granddaughter yet). And let me remind you that he can do no wrong. I really like this kid. I have two but the younger two year old still likes the boxes the toys we buy him come in.That's actually a good thing, revenue wise,because we can buy him a crappy toy with a colorful box, and he's happy. Not that we go cheap on him in any way, but truth is truth. My older grandson, on the other hand, gets and deserves cool toys every chance I get to give him one. I like to make sure he gets his candy group covered every time we get to hang out. My dad, my grandson's great grandfather, asked me this year what he might like for a birthday present. I told him that he told me specifically that he wanted a 1967 Corvette Roadster, 427 tri-power, 4 speed, side pipes, red with black stinger. Those were his exact words. I told my dad I would stand watch over it until our grandson was 21 years old, old enough to appreciate a machine like that. I'm certain my dad isn't buying it.


8. "Aren't you too old to do that?"

I'm also to old to whip someones ass, but I might just give it a shot. I'm at the age where I'm concerned about my knees, ankles, liver, gizzard (I think we have one), the color of my fingernails, my prostate, moles, warts, taking a dump, not taking a dump, whizzing, eating sweets...OK, I'm just kidding. I'm starting to consider things like retirement or the lack thereof, parts of my body I can't easily see, parts of my body I can see, the mirror, sleeping, not sleeping, cataracts (I've actually had one), hoof and mouth disease, fleas, ticks, mad cow disease, and tons of other stuff that I'm sure my insurance, and Obamacare, won't cover for anything less than a winning lottery ticket. There are a lot of things I've discovered I'm too old for. I've also figured out that most things that make me worry shrink away when I have a good steak and my lovely bride by my side.Those are two things I'm definitely not too old for. Most things I've determined I'm to old for, I can hire someone who isn't. It's the circle of life, and I'm somewhere on the "past 50" side of the circle.


9. "Why are you even applying for this job? You're way over qualified!"

I know I'm getting old, because I have actually heard this said on a job interview. Five years of gross underemployment, and I am over qualified. I've been called incompetent (not to my face), an asset, a great employee, caring, considerate, and numerous other things related to employment. I've even been called perfect before...a perfect A-hole by someone who I had to turn down for a loan, but perfect is perfect. Usually the gray hair tells a potential employer that I am experienced, meaning they can pay a college graduate one third of what my experience would bring them. I guess the screw ups a younger gent might cause is outweighed by the ability of the employer to fire said underpaid, inexperienced, employee. Plus, firing an incompetent underpaid inexperienced employee means the employer has taken drastic steps in correcting whatever mistakes might have been made in the process. It seems to me, these days, that an employer considers a job a form of largess to whomever it employs. Bottom line thinking, though up by the bottom dwellers.


10. "Wow, you're on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/etc.?" or "Do you even know how to work your computer/phone/iPad/digital device?"

My answers to the subject question is as follows and I quote: Yes, No, No/etc. and Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes. Young whipper snapper. Most young folk who have the nerve to ask don't know how I can go from zero to fully pissed in less than one second, brought on from years of dealing with idiots who get to vote. I have an advanced degree in sarcasm, wise-ass and smart-ass...and foot in the ass. My generation might not have stormed the beaches at Normandy, but we did make damn sure we saw Disco music die, saw polyester became a secondary and lesser blend in clothing, ushered in the cassette tape, radial tires, pet rocks, doppler radar, computers (even if the were the size of a small house), cobol and fortran, and diet coke. Oh, and Star Wars is ours too. Don't screw with us...you've been warned.

Remember, turning fifty doesn't mean you become a Luddite, a Honey Boo-boo, or a Swamp People.
 .

Yes, there are a few more awaiting you tomorrow. See you then.