What happened when I told a lie. That's "MISSPOKE" to you liberals.

Well, it's been a few weeks since I have been able to throw some sentences down on the old blog. I have had an exceptionally busy forty one days, what with finally getting my book "The Train Ride" published, on the inter web, all Amazon-ed up and such. It's on Nook, iTunes and Kindle now, with folks able to get a copy of two years plus another years worth of negotiating screw ups with my publisher within seconds of parting with $4.95. Heck, for the price of a small fancy-schmancy coffee from Starbucks, you'll be laughing your butt(s) off. Truth is, you'll be whizzing out the caffeine from that high-priced swill long before you get thru a few chapters of my work...hobby...diversion, or whatever it might be called by those who read it. Ya really never know. I have considered this fact: the book could go a number of places, and that obscurity is indeed one of those places. That remains to be seen I guess.

So, we'll just see where it lands.

I've written a lot of blog stuff over the past year. Some of it-well most of it, humorous. I know there's a lot of bad crap going on in the world and I'm not in denial about any of it, but you ain't going to read about it here. Go listen to the radio. Go listen to, or watch, the hundreds of news outlets spewing who said this and that and who lied about what to whom and why and when, and how soon the sky is falling and where you can get an official guvmint approved sky is falling exemption. I guess now that the whole "Global Warming" lie has been proven to be the scam that it is, something else needs to replace it. Al Gore needs something else to scam other liberals with. Maybe the "Sky is Falling " initiative is next. It is all a big damned lie. Seems like a lot of well placed folk, who claim to be educated, get free passes to flat out lie. Later, when those same people get called out on the same lies, like the Global Warming biggie Al Gore made billions( yes-billions) on, someone, with a straight face gets to say "he/she misspoke..." And it's never the one who flat out lied. It's their paid representative, straight faced, insisting that a hunk of Skylab or a piece of a meteor hit 'em in the head and that is the reason they "misspoke".

MISSPOKE?

You can bet your sweet bippy when you hear that phrase, somebody has just lied their asses off. And got away with it. I wasn't raised that way. And I'm guessing if you are reading this, you are between 40-60, and you weren't raised that way either. I transposed a number on a tax return, by accident, concerning my daughter's social security number  and ended up with a federal tax audit! Why couldn't I "misspoke" or at least get a mulligan...(a golf term for a screw up, bad shot, etc). Getting bent over by the tax Nazis wasn't what I expected.

Lying. Story telling. Fibbing. Half-truthing. All of these terms added up to one thing; an ass whuppin.  Not a spanking, I mean a "go pick me out a hickory and don't you make me go behind you and pick another" ass whuppin too. Either that or a good old fashioned black skinny belt your dad wore with his suit on Sunday ass whuppin. If you've read my blog a time or two, you'll know I was convinced at a young age that I was the kid solely responsible for the invention of the ass-whuppin. For those of you who suffered under the ole rod of correction because of my invention, I humbly apologize.

I guess I was what folks considered a rounder back in my day, but I assume you more than likely know that by now. My 'sense' of 'reason' made no sense to my mom and dad a lot back then. I recollect "it" transporting me straight into butt-whoopin-ville on numerous occasions, most times for reasons I had no idea of just wasn't aware might deliver me there. I did eventually figure it out though. It took me a few more years to sort it out the minutiae of keeping myself morally straight as my dad interpreted it. He was now moving into the most dreaded but value-added (according to my dad) pre-lecture/post ass-whuppin territory. I do recall my poor attempts to negotiate with my dad over that particular phenomenon, the lecture then ass-whuppin thang. I asked him if he might just consider giving me a few more licks or swats, and keep the lecturing to a minimum. I told him I didn't have a choice in the whuppin part, but I assured him; I was too distracted by the upcoming licks for any lecture to be effective. For a lecture to be even remotely effective or to do any amount of good, it either had to be a stand alone effort minus the ass-whipping part, or just the ass-whipping part by itself. I did figure out that when your dad asked "if you understood what he was saying" the best answer should not include "sure thing daddio" or "Yep, got it covered!". It was one of those delicate questions, like "Do I look fat in this?" but with considerably more pain involved. I took a few tries for your author to find the right voice inflection, the right position to sit in so as to not look distracted, to not break eye contact, the right amount of time to wait to give an answer in the affirmative concerning the aforementioned lecture. It was a learning experience akin to realizing the you can't take a drink of milk then try to get a bite of cookie in your mouth afterward. Think about it. Sorting out how to avoid whuppins, receiving dad lectures and looking interested, and figuring out the correct cookie/milk order, were all building blocks of growing up and staying alive.

See what I mean?

I think now I was an independent thinker who was way ahead of my time. And I got my butt whupped a lot for it. And... it was nobodies fault but mine. Right now I'd like to circle back around to the asshats who think that "MISSPOKE" is a verb. Go ahead, do it. A lot. Just remember, if your grandma was around and guaranteed you one of those aforementioned hickory switch ass whippins, I'm sure it would stop.

As a matter of fact, every politician ought to have their grandma around when they make deals and spend other peoples money. And especially when they commit a "Misspoke". Nobody likes a damn liar anyway.

Especially Grandma.